Why Can't You Just Hold Me
by BroadwayDiva
Summary: What really happened to Addison when Derek found her and Mark in bed together. It's better than it sounds, I promise
1. Chapter 1

What really happened to Addison and Mark when Derek found them in bed together…

This story deals with rape (no, Mark does not rape Addison), which I know is a touchy subject for some people. That's why it's rated M, and if you don't like, I'm not forcing you to read it.

Disclaimer: not mine…kind of wish I owned mcdreamy though ;-)

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd sank back onto the bed at her and Derek's brownstone and sighed. She'd just gotten off the phone with her ever absent husband only to learn that he would be coming home late from work again. Big surprise there. It seemed he spent more time at the hospital than he did at his own house. She mechanically picked up the phone and dialed Mark's number. It rang twice before she heard the gruff voice of the plastic surgeon.

"Hello?"

"Hey…hey it's me…"

"Addison? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, it's just…um…could you come over for a while?"

"What, Derek not home _again_?" Mark tried to joke. When he received silence on the other end, he voice grew soft.

"Yeah, I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Hang in there Addie," he added then hung up.

Addison could feel the tears well up in her eyes. At what point in her life had she relied on Mark more than her own husband? She fiercely wiped the tears from her face and willed herself not to cry. She pulled her long crimson hair into a loose ponytail and sighed for the umpteenth time that night. She looked at the clock: 9:00 pm. Mark would be there by 9:15. She was just about to head downstairs to fix herself and Mark something to eat when she heard it. The sound of breaking glass…a window perhaps…and then the sound of two men's voices in the front hall. Addison froze. She could hear the two men downstairs, rummaging through everything. As quietly as she could, Addison tip-toed back into the master bedroom she shared with Derek and shut the door, locking it behind her. She picked up the phone: dead. She opened her purse lying on the bed in desperate search of her cell phone, only to remember she had left it in the kitchen. She silently cursed herself as she heard a pair of footsteps coming up the stairs and approaching the door. Addison quickly ducked into the walk-in closet and closed the door only seconds before a very large man broke the door clear off the hinges. The man looked around the room greedily and began rummaging through drawers in search of valuables. Addison could do nothing but watch as the contents of her and her husband's drawers were spilled out onto the floor. The man picked up Derek's favorite watch and Addison's diamond necklace from the newly formed mess on the floor. He looked around the room for his next destination: the large closet. Addison felt herself shake as the man approached the closet and flung open the doors. A tiny gasp escaped her lips as she came face to face with her intruder who seemed just as surprised as she did. However, his surprise quickly turned into anger. Out of the corner of her eye, Addison could see the clock on her bureau: 9:05. The man grabbed Addison by her hair and threw her roughly on the ground. A sickening crack came from her wrist as it hit the floor.

"Hey Mike! We're not alone, look what I found in the closet!"

The other man dashed up the stairs and into the room and leered at Addison who hadn't moved from her spot on the floor. She then began to cry.

"Please, take what you want, take everything, just…please…don't hurt me." Addison sobbed.

"I don't know Jake. What do you think we should do with her?" Mike asked maliciously. The two men had begun to circle the now trembling Addison.

"I don't know. I mean, she's seen us and everything…all she would have to do is call the police and give them a description and we'd be busted. We'd better do something to ensure the fact that she remains silent," Jake answered. That's when Addison saw the gleaming silver knife Jake held in his right hand.

"Oh God, no," Addison cried.

"Shut up!" Jake cried and slapped her hard across the face. Addison grabbed her stinging cheek as silent tears continued to flow from her fearful eyes.

"Jake, come on now, that's no way to treat a lady. You go downstairs and get everything packed up, and I'll deal with Red over here," Mike sneered menacingly. Jake just nodded and headed downstairs, not before passing off the knife to Mike. Mike just stared at Addison. His eyes were full of lust and desire. He reached out his hand and grabbed Addison's wrist, dragging her over to the bed.

"No, please, stop!" Addison cried with more fury as the realization of what may happen to her finally hit. Mike violently threw Addison on the bed. He then climbed on top of her and began kissing her. Addison fought and tried to push him off of her. Mike hit her again.

"Lay down and stop moving bitch! You are in no situation to negotiate right now," he growled. Addison cowered and began kissing him back only when she saw the glint of the knife. She felt Mike's tongue explore her mouth. She wanted to gag. She could feel Mike's dirty hands roaming her body freely. She felt disgusted, humiliated, and ashamed all at the same time. She felt him rip her white tank top off her torso, closely followed by her pajama pants and underwear. Addison lay there, exposed and vulnerable, and unable to do anything to help herself except cooperate. She let herself be numb and immune to this monster's touches. Mike stood up for a short while and unbuckled his pants. They fell to the floor with Addison's now ripped pajamas. Addison cried harder. She knew what was about to happen next. Mike entered her with a loud grunt. Addison yelped in pain and looked over at the clock: 9:10. She closed her eyes as he began thrusting in and out of her. She tried to imagine herself anywhere but where she was now. She tried to imagine herself walking along side the beach with Derek on their first wedding anniversary, when she remembered truly being happy. The warm sun was beating down on her face as Derek looked her in the eyes and told her how beautiful she was. She was jerked out of her reverie by the sound of a knock at her front door. Addison looked at the clock: 9:15. Mark. Jake came sprinting up the stairs and barged into the bedroom.

"Mike, there's a really big guy outside. I think we'd better go."

Mike turned to look at Addison, who still had her eyes tightly shut. He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him.

"WHO DID YOU CALL?!" he roared. "WHO?!"

Addison trembled as she was quickly brought back to reality.

"No one! No one, I swear!" Addison cried in between sobs. Mike gave one last thrust before he came inside of her. Addison visibly paled. He wasn't wearing a condom.

The pounding on the door grew more frantic and Addison could hear Mark calling her name. Mike gave her one last kiss and pulled out of her. He stood up and threw on his pants. Once he was dressed, he leaned down to Addison's ear.

"If you tell anyone about this, I swear to God, I'll come back here and do it again. And next time, I'll kill you," he sneered.

"Come on, I found a door leading to the outside from the kitchen," Jake urged. Mike nodded and the two of them fled from the bedroom. Addison lay there, still undressed and unable to move. She waited until she heard the kitchen door close and then screamed. Her cry was blood curdling and quickly caught Mark's attention. Mark grabbed the hidden spare key and threw open the door to the brownstone. He ran, heart pounding, as fast as he could up to the master bedroom. When he entered the room, he gasped. It was a mess. But what caught his eye immediately, was a naked, bruised, and battered Addison, lying sprawled out on the bed sobbing uncontrollably. Mark immediately ran over to her and tried to cover her up with something. He grabbed the sheet and quickly wrapped it around her.

"Oh my God, Addison. What happened?" Mark asked soothingly. Addison tried to answer, but couldn't control her crying. She found it hard to breath, so she just cried. Mark lay down next to her and tried to hold her to calm her down. Addison squirmed out of his grasp and curled herself up into a ball at the other end of the bed.

"Addison, listen to me, hold still and tell me what happened," Mark tried to reason with her, raising his voice a little to get the point across but not too much so as to scare the already terrified red head. Addison wrapped the sheet tighter around herself and pushed Mark away from her.

"Stay back, leave me alone!" she shrieked in between sobs. Mark took this opportunity to look at her bruised and swollen wrist. He gently slid himself closer to her.

"Addison, we need to call you an ambulance." No response. "Addie, baby, it's just me," Mark offered again. Addison stared at him for a while before surrendering her body into Mark's protective arms. Mark lay her back on the bed gently covering her with more blankets before lying down next to her and taking her back into his arms. He brushed the hair from her face and rubbed her back. After a few minutes, Addison's breathing regulated and only silent tears continued to fall from her face. Just as Mark was about to press the issue of what happened, Derek Shepherd walked in the bedroom door.

"What the hell is going on here?!" he yelled. Derek then focused on his wife and best friend. He could only see the back of her head, but he could see that she was only wrapped in a bed sheet. Mark had a guilty, unsure expression on his face. Derek's blood began to boil.

"Son of a…" Derek trailed off as he stormed back through the door, down the stairs, and out into the cold New York air. Mark's eyes grew wide as Addison began to sob uncontrollably once again.

A/N: so there ya go. Chapter one of Why Can't You Just Hold Me. Please review! The more reviews I get, the more ambition I have to get the next chapter up faster! –hint hint-


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, thanks to everyone that reviewed! I'm glad you like it so far. I tried to be as tasteful as I could with the sensitive subject matter. I recently had my best friend reveal to me that she had been raped when she was 15 (we're both 18 now) and I just hope this story creates awareness.

I'm not a doctor. I honestly don't know all the tests they would order, so forgive me if I'm wrong. Now, on to chapter 2!

Disclaimer: still not mine…:-(

Mark didn't know what to do. Run after Derek and explain everything to him, or stay and try to console Addison. He was torn between his two best friends. Suddenly, he felt Addison push him away and try to get up. He quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Where are you going?" Mark asked.

"I need to find Derek, I need to tell him it's not what it looks like, I need him to know that I still love him, and I need him to forgive me," Addison cried as she struggled to pull her hand free. Mark stood up next to her and snaked his other arm around her waist. Addison fought the touch at first, then relaxed into it and cried against Mark's chest.

"Addison, the first thing we need to do is get you to the hospital." Mark reasoned. Addison didn't pick up her head, but instead nodded against his chest. She'd take care of herself first, then find Derek. Mark carefully unwound his arm from around her and reached for the phone.

"Phone's dead," Addison whispered, staring straight ahead. Mark looked at her and sighed.

"Jesus Addie, what happened?" Mark asked her once again. Addison didn't say anything. She walked over to the closet and pulled out a new pair of pajamas. Derek's CBGB's shirt and a pair of shorts. When she emerged from the bathroom after changing, Mark couldn't help but notice the freshly formed bruises on her thighs. He briefly closed his eyes and willed himself not to think about everything that _could've_ happened to Addison, but rather to find out what had _actually_ happened.

"I don't need an ambulance, I can drive myself," Addison remarked, still in her trance. Mark shook his head.

"Now what kind of friend would I be if I made you go alone? Come on, my car's parked right outside. I'll drive you." Addison looked skeptical for a second before slowly nodding her head. Mark draped an arm around her shoulders and gently led her out of the room and down the stairs. He stopped at the bottom to help her put her coat on then continued to lead her to the car. The entire ride was silent. Addison stared straight ahead as silent tears continued to fall from her eyes. When they arrived at the hospital, Addison didn't move to get out of the car.

"We can't go here. We work here," Addison murmured.

"Addie, this is the closest hospital. The next hospital is a good forty-five minutes from here. If you won't tell me what's wrong, fine, I'll respect your privacy. But you need to tell someone what happened, and you need to tell them now so they can help you." Mark responded. He had to admit, he was a little hurt when Addison had refused to tell him what happened. He could've easily guessed from the state he found her in, but he wanted to know the whole story, and it killed him that she didn't want to tell him. But, he respected her wishes because that's what friends do. He stared at Addison who continued to remain in her seat. After a few minutes of silence and realizing that Mark _was_ right, she nodded her head and began opening the car door. Mark quickly got out of the car and ran to the other side to help Addison out. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder and led her inside to the receptionist's desk.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, Dr. Sloan, I though you both had the night off!" the nurse cheerfully said as she saw them walk through the sliding glass doors. Her demeanor quickly changed as she saw them approach the desk. Addison's face was streaked with tears and she seemed to be holding on to Mark for dear life. Mark kept looking at her with concern in his eyes. The nurse turned to the other nurse sitting next to her.

"Page Dr. Gold, stat," she said as she walked around the desk to help Mark support Addison. Together, the two of them led Addison over to a gurney and helped her lie down.

"What happened?" the nurse asked, trying to get as much information from them to pass on to Dr. Gold when she arrived. Addison didn't answer. Mark sighed and began relaying how he had gone over to Addison's house and walked into her room to find her lying naked and injured on the bed. The nurse looked sympathetically at Addison, who continued to look straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. At that moment, Dr. Gold walked over.

"Addison?" she exclaimed, surprised. Addison was one of her best friends and co-worker at the hospital and was genuinely taken aback when she saw her lying on the gurney. The nurse began to rattle off everything Mark had told her as the two of them began wheeling Addison down the hall into an exam room. Addison refused to let go of Mark's hand, so he trotted alongside next to her and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Ok, Carol, I would like to order a CAT scan, an x-ray for her wrist, and a rape kit," Dr. Gold told the nurse as she pulled on gloves in preparation to examine Addison. At the mention of the last test, Addison's stomach dropped as she remembered Mike's last words _"If you tell anyone about this, I swear to God, I'll come back here and do it again. And next time, I'll kill you." _She sat bolt upright.

"You know, maybe this is a bad idea. I'm fine, really. No need to do any of those tests," Addison explained frantically as she tried to climb off the gurney. Dr. Gold, Carol, and Mark gently made her lie back down on the gurney.

"Don't be ridiculous Addison, you're in no condition to go anywhere. Just lie back and try to relax." Dr. Gold tried to offer a sympathetic smile to her friend. Addison's eyes filled with tears as she reached out again for Mark's hand. Mark gave her hand a gentle squeeze and brushed the hair out of her face.

"I'll be right here Addison. The whole time, I promise. I'm not going anywhere," Mark cooed trying to calm her down. Addison continued to shake her head no but let Dr. Gold examine her. Mark stayed by her side, whispering words of reinforcement and assurance in her ear. When the rape kit finally arrived, Addison tightly shut her eyes as tears began to fall once again. Mark looked at her with a mix of sadness and dread. He feared his worst suspicion was coming true. Mark willed Addison to open her eyes and look at him. Addison obeyed but continued to cry. In that instant, he knew. Addison had indeed been attacked and raped. Mark leaned down and kissed her forehead as her sobs became more audible.

"I'm almost done Addie, hang in there hun," Dr. Gold said consolingly. Addison tried to focus on something, anything, besides what was going on now. She tried to listen to Mark's soft words but her mind couldn't wrap around anything except for the fact that everyone would know what had really happened to her in a few short minutes; as soon as her rape test came back positive.

When Dr. Gold had finished and Addison had been to her CAT scan and x-ray, she was wheeled to a hospital room. Mark never left her side the entire time. A few minutes later, Dr. Gold came in.

"Addison, we have the results from your tests. You don't have any internal bleeding, but you received a pretty nasty sprain to your wrist. We'll give you some pain killers for that." Addison nodded her head gratefully. Dr. Gold hesitated with the next piece of information.

"And…we, um…received the results of your rape test. It was positive. I'm so sorry hun," Dr. Gold responded as her voice became shaky. Mark dropped his head in his hands, and Addison continued to stare straight ahead.

"Addison, I've called the police. They're here and they'd like you to file a report," Dr. Gold explained. Addison didn't move or say anything. Dr. Gold reached out and patted Addison's hand before turning to leave the room.

"I'll tell them to come back another time. Why don't you get some rest," Dr. Gold suggested with tears in her eyes. Addison's expression remained stoic as Dr. Gold left. After a minute Addison turned to Mark, whose head was still in his hands.

"Mark," Addison meekly whispered. At the sound of his name, Mark's head shot straight up. Tears streaked his cheeks. He hastily wiped them away.

"What is it Addison?" he asked reaching out and rubbing her arm. Addison flinched at the touch but didn't push him away.

"I want to go home," she answered. Mark looked astonished. He didn't think being discharged would be a good idea. He knew she should stay and talk to the police. However, one look into her tired, pleading eyes and he couldn't say no.

"I'll go get an AMA form and we'll get you out of here babe," he replied as he stood and walked out of the room.

Twenty minutes later, after Dr. Gold had tried but failed at getting Addison to stay, Mark and Addison were back in his car driving towards the brownstone. The car ride was silent once again. When Mark pulled up to the front of the house, he stopped the car but didn't move to get out. He turned to look at Addison.

"Addie, what happened? Please tell me. Please talk to me, let me in, let me help you," Mark pleaded with her once more. Addison gave him a sad smile as tears filled her eyes once more.

"You can't help me right now Mark. No one can. I just need some time to process everything." She looked so scared. Mark didn't say anything. He just nodded and got out of the car to open her door for her. When she was ready to talk about it, he'd be there. Mark helped Addison upstairs into her room. When she reached the door, she froze. She couldn't enter the room; she didn't want to enter the room. The sheets were still messed up; they were Derek's favorite sheets. Oh God, Derek. He had seen her and Mark in that bed together and made assumptions. Addison began to cry again. Mark just held her as she cried. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. All of a sudden, Derek walked through the door to see the couple in a tight embrace once again. He slammed his fist into the wall, causing Addison and Mark to jump and quickly disentangle themselves.

"I just came to get some clothes, but I wouldn't want to interrupt you guys or anything!" Derek fumed.

"_Please_, don't let me stop you. Continue!" he added sarcastically as he once again stormed from the room for the second time that night. Addison began to run after him.

Mark grabbed her hand firmly.

"Addison, let him go for now. You're tired, please get some sleep." But Addison squirmed away from him and ran down the stairs to catch up with Derek…

A/N: Insert flashback from episode 3.01 _Time Has Come Today_, when Addison has the flashback about the time Derek found her and Mark together. I'll pick it up from right after that scene. Oh, and I actually haven't decided whether it will be Maddison or Addek. Let me know who you want Addison to end up with and I'll take that into consideration! I already have the next chapter written, so all you have to do is review and I'll post it :-)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Yay, more reviews! They make my day! I also got an overwhelmingly popular vote for this story to be Addek. And I'm kind of glad you all said that because I'm definitely an Addek fan too! This takes place directly after the flashback Addison had in episode 3.01 _"Time Has Come Today"_

Addison watched Derek walk out the front door. She couldn't breath, the room started to spin. But she couldn't let Derek get away; she had to explain everything to him. She opened the door and ran out into the rainy New York night.

"Derek!" she screamed. Derek stopped walking but didn't turn around. She took this as an opportunity to run up and throw her arms around him. Derek hesitated before lightly hugging her back.

"You have sixty seconds to explain why I caught you and Mark together twice tonight…go," Derek stated while holding Addison at arms length. Addison looked stunned. She was not expecting this. What was she supposed to say? _"Well babe, two men broke into our house, stole valuables, and then one of them raped me. And if you had been at home for once, none of this would've ever happened." _She mentally kicked herself for thinking the latter thought. This wasn't Derek's fault. She felt like it was her own. 45…44…43…_"If only I had fought harder. If only I had screamed louder." _These thoughts caused her to cry harder. 30…29…28…Derek stood still, rain pouring down his face, looking at his wife expectantly.

"I can't explain it to you right now…" Addison trailed off. Derek shook his head and turned around.

"That's all I needed to know," he said as he began walking away.

"No, No! Please don't leave me, I need you Derek, I NEED you," she cried desperately. She threw her arms around him once more. This time, he didn't turn around to hug her back. Instead, he tried to pry her arms off of him.

"Derek please don't," Addison begged, still trying to keep Derek from walking away. Now Derek was really getting mad. Not only did he walk in on his wife and his best friend twice that night, but when asked why she did it, his wife's only answer had been that she 'couldn't explain it right now'.

"Get off of me," Derek snapped. He forcefully tore Addison's arms off of him. Addison wasn't expecting him to be that forceful and fell backwards onto the ground, where she began to sob hysterically. Derek suddenly felt guilty for being so rough with her and held out his hand.

"God Addie, I'm sorry, let me help you up…"

"Don't you dare touch her," came Mark's bellowing voice from where he stood on the stoop watching the couple interact. He sprinted down the sidewalk and stood protectively in front of Addison. He stared Derek straight in the eyes.

"Look, you've done enough for the night, why don't you just leave her alone? Can't you see she's obviously upset?" Mark said. He couldn't stand to see Addison look so broken…especially after everything she'd been through that night.

Derek glared at Mark and then at Addison. He thrust his hands deep into his pockets.

"Have fun with your boy-toy Addie," Derek said as he turned around and walked away. Addison hadn't moved from the spot where she fell. She brought her knees up to her chest and continued to cry. Mark scooped her up into his arms and began carrying her inside.

"I can't…I can't be in this house…I can't be in that room…" Addison trailed off. She began to shiver as the cold rain soaked her to the bone. Mark nodded and carried her to his car instead. He started the engine and turned the heat on. The ride was silent, until Mark finally broke the silence.

"Why were you so willing to go after Derek? After all the crap he put you through? You deserve better Addison." Addison looked at him with tired eyes.

"He's my husband. It's all in the vows," she answered quietly. Mark rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you can obviously see he takes _those_ seriously…" Mark retorted.

Addison looked out the window, ready to drop the subject. Mark glanced over at Addison momentarily before continuing.

"Addie, you should really call the police and let them know what happened." Silence.

"Addison-"

"No! Just drop it, alright!" Addison yelled. It was the first time she'd raised her voice all night. Mark stopped talking and just continued to drive.

They arrived at Mark's apartment soon after. He unlocked the door and let the two of them inside.

"Here," he said tossing her a dry pair of pajama pants and a tee-shirt, "Go take a warm shower, you're shivering." Addison nodded and started to walk towards Mark.

"Mark, I'm sorry I-" she started but Mark held up his hands and went into the bedroom. Addison sighed and made her way into the bathroom. She turned on the warm shower and began taking off her wet clothes. When she was finally all the way undressed she turned to look at herself in the full length mirror on the back of the door. She was a mess. Her hair was wet and tangled, and her eyes were red and puffy. Her wrist was badly bruised, but it was nothing compared to the bruises along her thighs. Addison's eyes began to tear up as she tore them away from the mirror and stepped into the shower. Once inside the shower, she let the warm water cascade down her face and mix with her tears. How had her life become so disoriented, so out of control in only one night? She remained in the shower for a few minutes before drying herself off and putting on the warm pajamas Mark had lent her. She emerged from the bathroom and walked into Mark's room only to find that Mark was nowhere to be found. She looked around the room and began to panic. The last thing she wanted right now was to be alone. She quickly ran into the living room and picked up the phone, intending to dial Mark's cell number, but stopped when she found him asleep on the couch. She put down the phone and quietly walked over to where Mark lay and knelt down beside his face. Even asleep, his face showed traces of worry. It crushed Addison knowing that the reason for his anxiety was her. She brushed her hands lightly through his hair as his eyes flickered open.

"Why aren't you in bed?" she asked. Mark just looked at her.

"I figured you were tired and wanted to sleep, and that you wouldn't want anyone, especially another man, in the same bed with you right now…" Mark trailed off. Addison offered a small smile at how thoughtful Mark had been. It was very unlike him.

"If it's ok, I'd really like to have you sleep in the same room as me…I don't really want to be alone right now," Addison whispered. Mark nodded and stood up. He let Addison lead the way to his bedroom. Addison lay down on the bed. Mark waited for her to nod her head in approval before he joined her. She visibly tensed so he lay down as far away from her as he could. Addison took a deep breath before tentatively wrapping his arms around her fragile body. She rested her head on his chest and sighed. _"I can trust him, I can trust him."_ She thought.

"It happened right after I hung up with you, I heard the window break and then I heard two men's voices-"

"Addie, listen, you don't have to do this. I didn't mean to pressure you before."

"No…I need to do this, I need to tell someone," Addison said. Mark nodded and remained quiet while Addison relayed the events of earlier that evening. She told him everything, how she'd tried to hide in the closet but was found, raped, and threatened that she would be killed if she told anyone about the incident. By the end of the story, Addison was in tears once more and Mark was rocking her back and forth trying to calm her down.

"Thank you, thank you for letting me in," Mark whispered into her hair. Addison didn't reply, only nodded. Mark tilted her head so she was looking at him.

"We need to call the police-"

"Oh God, no, please, Mark," Addison begged. "He said if I told anyone, he'd come back for me and-"

"Addison, I want you to look at me and listen to me." Mark stated seriously. Addison sniffled and looked into Mark's eyes.

"Addison, I know this is going to be hard, probably one of the hardest things you've ever had to do, but you have to call the police and tell them everything you just told me. Those two guys are still out there. They could strike again and do the same thing to another unsuspecting woman. They need to be stopped Addison." Addison nodded her head as she lay it back down on Mark's chest. Mark held her tighter and continued.

"It's going to be a brutal fight Addison, but I swear to God, I will be there every step of the way. I just want to see you happy again."

"Alright, I'll call the police and tell them everything first thing in the morning," Addison gave in. Mark smiled and hugged her tightly. He kissed the top of her head, and Addison could've sworn she heard him say "I love you" before releasing her from his tight grasp and drifting off to sleep.

A/N: Addison decides to fight, because let's face it, she's Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. A gal with four names doesn't sit around and do nothing. ;-) Also, I know Derek was a total jackass in this chapter…just give me time :-P Please review:-D


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Keep those reviews coming:-D This chapter is shorter and not one of my favorites. I guess it's more of a filler chapter. The next one is longer and much better.

Addison walked into Mark's apartment and collapsed on the bed. She had spent the last three hours at the police station answering questions and giving descriptions of the two men that had assaulted her. Mark had begged her to let him go, but Addison refused, saying this was something she needed to do herself. Truthfully, she just didn't feel right about letting another man help her that wasn't Derek. Addison curled up into a ball and soon fell asleep.

Mark looked at her from the doorway and it tore him up inside. She had done nothing to deserve what she'd been through. He carefully tucked her into bed and retreated into the living room where he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number of his best friend's cell phone. It rang twice before he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Derek, it's Mark."

Silence.

"I know you don't want to talk to me right now, but I have something important to tell you. What you saw between Addison and myself, it wasn't what it looked like…"

Derek snorted.

"Seriously man, you're my best friend! Why would I intentionally hurt you like that?" Mark asked.

"Listen, Mark, does this phone call have a point to it? Because if it does, you'd better get to it fast. I don't have time to listen to you ramble-"

"Look, I want to talk to you about Addison-"

"Oh no, you don't get to do this! You don't get to call and discuss my wife with me!"

"Derek, she's a mess. She really needs you. She keeps asking for you," Mark said. Derek inhaled deeply. As much as he wanted to be mad at Addison, he couldn't help but still care for her.

"What's wrong? Is she alright?" Derek asked. Mark sighed.

"That's something I can't tell you. She needs to tell you herself." Derek was silent for a minute before continuing.

"You mean she already told you what was bothering her so much?" Mark didn't say anything. Derek's hurt quickly turned into anger.

"She can confide in you, but she can't confide in her own husband?! The man she's spent the past twelve years of her life with?!" Derek asked outraged. Mark winced at his tone. This wasn't going as well as he'd hoped it would.

"Listen, Derek, I think you should come over and talk to her tonight."

"That would be impossible."

"Why?"

"Because I'm in Seattle."

Mark couldn't believe his ears.

"Seattle? What the hell are you doing there?!"

"I needed to get away from you…from her. I was offered the head of neurosurgery at Seattle Grace Hospital, so I took it." Mark was silent. Derek sighed.

"Look, Mark, I'm going to make this quick and simple. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to her. I just want to be left alone. I need some time to think things through…"

"Yeah buddy, sure, I understand," Mark answered through gritted teeth.

"Good-bye Mark." The line went dead. Mark hung up the phone and rubbed his temples. How was he going to tell Addison that her husband was on the other side of the country? He heard sniffling sounds coming from behind him and knew he wouldn't have to. He turned around to see Addison standing in the doorway.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked.

"Long enough to know that my husband has abandoned me," she answered. Mark moved to walk towards her, but she backed away.

"Please don't," she whispered. Mark stopped moving and held up his hands. He turned around, sat on the couch, and flipped on the TV.

"Don't you have to go to work?" Addison asked. Mark shook his head.

"I'm taking some time off."

"How much time off?"

"As long as you need," he answered. Addison sighed.

"Mark, I'm a big girl. I don't need a baby-sitter." Mark snorted but didn't take his eyes off the television. His previous conversation with Derek had obviously left him in a foul mood.

"I don't! I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!" Mark finally tore his gaze away from the TV and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Addison, you back away from me every time I try to get close to you. Don't tell me you're alright," he said smugly. Addison began to grow frustrated. She stormed out of the living room and into the bedroom and began filling her suitcase with clothes Mark had brought her from the brownstone earlier. Upon hearing all the drawers banging, Mark got up and walked towards the bedroom.

"What are you doing?" he asked leaning against the doorframe and watching Addison with amusement in his eyes.

"Packing, I'm going to Seattle," Addison answered. Mark rolled his eyes.

"Addison, he doesn't want to see or talk to either of us, remember?" Addison narrowed her eyes.

"I'm not giving him up without a fight," Addison responded. Mark began to worry. When Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd got an idea in her head, she would always follow through; and he didn't want to lose her.

"Addison, you need to stay here. The police may need you for more questioning," Mark stated. Addison didn't look up from her packing.

"I don't care. I went down to the station and poured my heart out for three hours only to be told that there was nothing more they could do until they had a suspect in custody. I'm not going to sit around here and wait for the creep to strike again."

"Addison, you're being unreasonable. The police are doing everything they can to find the guys. You also need to give Derek some time to cool off." Addison finally stopped what she was doing and looked up at Mark.

"Mark, I've always been in control of my life. But last night, I lost control of my life for fifteen minutes. And in those fifteen minutes, something horrible happened. Something that I will never forget, no matter how much I try to. I can't control what has already happened, but I can control the future. I need to go to Seattle to talk to Derek. I need to be in control of my future again," Addison finished in a shaky voice. Mark nodded and began absent-mindedly helping her pack. Finally, he spoke again.

"Give me a month." Addison looked at him like he'd grown ten heads.

"What?"

"Give me a month or two. Give Derek some time to cool off and give yourself some time to get some help and talk to someone about the incident. Give me some time to help you." Mark looked at her with hopeful eyes. Addison looked uncertain before finally giving in.

"Fine. You have one week." Addison answered. Mark gave her a soft smile.

"That's my girl," he beamed. Addison returned his smile before unpacking her suitcase. Mark walked over to help her unpack.

"Jeez Addison, who honestly owns thirty-two pairs of shoes?! Do you seriously wear all of them?" Mark asked. Addison laughed softly. Mark grabbed a pair of her Prada shoes and tried them on. They were way too small for him and they made him feel like his feet were about to fall off.

"Ouch!! Why do you torture your feet like this?! What did they ever do to you?!" He tried to take a step and almost fell over. By this time, Addison was laughing so hard she had fallen on to the floor and was clutching her stomach. It was the first time she'd genuinely smiled since the other night. Mark finally knew how he could help her: he could make her laugh. He would use his sarcastic and weird sense of humor to make her smile and forget her misery. He just hoped it would be enough to win over her heart as well…

A/N: dun dun dun! Mark wants to win Addison over, but Addison is still in love with Derek! Who will she choose? The man who ran away, or the man wearing her shoes? I know, and I'll let you know too if you review :-)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Two updates in one day?! Kudos for me :-P Just kidding! I originally had these two chapters together as one really long chapter, but I didn't like the way it flowed together so I separated them and you get _two_ new chapters! Anyway, on with the story…

The next few days passed by quickly. Addison remained at Mark's house, stilling feeling uncomfortable about being left alone. She was called down to the police station every now and then when the cops thought they had a lead, but left feeling even more dejected as the leads usually turned out to be wrong. Derek hadn't called either one of them. Addison wanted nothing more than to call him, but refrained. She decided to give Derek some space and time to cool off before flying out to Seattle to confront him face to face. She'd gotten a call from an old friend, Richard Webber, asking her to fly out for an unusual case. Addison had hesitated at first, she hadn't been back to work since the assault, but when Richard mentioned the fact that Derek was seeing an intern, Addison booked a flight out to Seattle. Truth be told, she didn't exactly know how to feel. She loved Derek, but she didn't want a guy who didn't want her. If Derek wanted to end their marriage for a slutty intern, she wanted to make sure he knew all the facts about what really happened the night he found her and Mark together. However, it seemed like every time she looked at Mark she got butterflies in her stomach. She brushed it aside, considering it to be nothing more than a silly high school crush.

It was the night before she would be flying out to Seattle. Mark had told her to go into the room the two of them now shared and to stay there until he called her out: he had a surprise for her. Addison was now lying on the bed, pretending to read a book, but really trying to guess what Mark was up to. Had he bought her the new purse she really wanted? Or a new pair of shoes perhaps? Addison couldn't help but smile as the excitement and anticipation took over. Finally, she heard Mark call her name. Addison practically leaped off the bed and ran out into the kitchen. When she reached the doorway, she stopped and gasped. The lights were dimmed and two candles stood lit in the middle of the table. Two glasses of red wine accompanied two heaping plates of chicken parmesan. A bouquet of red roses finished off the ensemble. Addison looked at Mark and smiled as tears filled her eyes. This was way better than any material gift he could have given her. Mark smiled back at her, pulled out a chair, and motioned for her to sit. Addison sat down and continued to gape at Mark.

"Since when do you know how to cook?" she joked. _"God it's good to hear her crack jokes."_ Mark thought. He smirked.

"There's a lot about me you don't know," he replied nonchalantly wiggling his eye brows. Addison rolled her eyes but remained smiling.

"Oh Mark Sloan, you're a mystery," she replied sarcastically. Mark feigned offense.

"Hey, I'm being serious!" he protested. Addison looked skeptical.

"Ok then, enlighten me," she pressed. Mark leaned back in his chair thoughtfully and stared at her.

"Well…" he trailed off. Addison nodded, urging him to continue.

"Ok, but you have to promise not to laugh," Mark said. Addison nodded her head again and waited for him to continue.

"Did you know that when I was a kid, I wanted to be a trapeze artist?" Mark asked. Addison couldn't help herself and burst out laughing.

"No way, seriously?!"

"Cross my heart. I was really active when I was younger so my parents signed me up for trapeze classes, of all things. After that first class, I was convinced that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life," Mark reinforced. Addison smiled slyly.

"Did you use to wear tights?" she asked, trying hard to control her laughter. Mark blushed.

"It was part of the uniform," he defended. That only made Addison laugh harder. Mark smiled. _"There's the laugh I love," _he thought.

"Well Mark, I must say, you really are a mystery. I had no idea," Addison continued still smiling. Mark smiled, thinking about all the progress she'd made in only a few days. She still had occasional nightmares at night, but was beginning to laugh more and act like her old self again.

Mark sat upright and gazed directly into her eyes.

"I also think you're the most amazing, the most courageous, the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life," he said quietly. Addison stopped laughing and grew serious again. Had she really heard him right? When Addison didn't say anything, Mark sighed and continued.

"I know you still love Derek, and I respect that, I really do. I just want you to know that if things don't work out between the two of you…I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," Mark finished. Addison looked at him with tears in her eyes. Ever so slowly, she stood up and walked over to Mark's seat. She sat down in his lap and looked into his eyes. Their lips were inches apart. Addison slowly closed the gap between the two of them in a soft kiss. The kiss soon intensified. Addison ran her fingers through Mark's hair as he brought his hands up to rest on her hips. At the sudden contact, Addison tensed and pulled away. Mark looked at her and immediately regretted his actions. It was too soon, the events of the rape still fresh in her mind.

"Addison, we don't have to do this," Mark quickly said. Addison shook her head.

"No, I want to do this. I need to do this…I need to feel normal again." Addison leaned her forehead against Mark's and closed her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Mark tried again. Addison nodded.

"Positive." Mark gave her a soft smile before capturing her lips with his own again.

"_Just breathe Addison. You can do this. You've done this a million times before."_ Which was true. Sex had always been Addison's and Derek's favorite past-time, especially earlier in their marriage. Thinking about Derek made Addison feel guilty, so she tried to push her thoughts about him aside. Mark gently stood up and picked Addison up with him, wrapping her legs around his waist. He walked the two of them into the bedroom and gently lay her down on the bed before lying on top of her. He pulled away for a minute to look into her eyes. They were scared, but determined at the same time. He leaned back down to kiss her lips as his hands fumbled with the buttons on Addison's blouse. Once her shirt was off, Mark moved down to kiss her collarbone. Addison tensed at his kisses, but didn't fight him. Mark felt Addison stiffen underneath him and stopped what he was doing to look up at her. She looked fearful, but nodded her head anyways.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mark asked. Addison continued to nod.

"Yeah, I'm fine. But, um…do you think you could maybe turn off the lights?" Mark rose to turn off the lights and then lay back down on top of Addison. He reached behind Addison and unhooked her bra before discarding it with the blouse on the floor. Addison could feel Mark getting excited against her thigh and was almost repulsed by it. But she let him continue. She wasn't going to let the creep that raped her win; she was determined to enjoy sex once again. Addison sat up slowly and helped Mark remove his shirt and pants. Mark helped her lie back down and began kissing his way down her body. He stopped momentarily to blow softly into her bellybutton before continuing down to the top of her pants. Addison inhaled sharply as he unzipped them and pulled them down. Mark kissed his way back up her legs, making sure to be gentle with her. During all of this, Addison couldn't stop picturing the man who had attacked her. She could still feel his filthy hands being rough with her delicate body. She cringed as she felt her eyes fill with tears. She continued to remain silent and just let Mark go to town, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with her, and forcing herself to try to enjoy his caress. After a few minutes of foreplay (in which Addison just lay there, completely motionless) Addison could tell Mark was ready for more. Addison choked back a sob that was threatening to escape her lips. She couldn't help the tears spilling over onto her face as Mark entered her. He began moving slowly until he heard Addison whimpering beneath him. He squinted down and tried to make out her face in the darkness. He reached a hand down to caress her cheek only to find it wet with tears.

"What?…what the hell, Addison, are you crying?" Mark asked taken aback. Addison shook her head no, but her body shook with sobs.

"These are tears of happiness," she lied. Mark obviously didn't believe her. He quickly pulled out of her and she rolled herself into a ball on the other side of the bed. Mark could feel her move as far away from him as she could, and it hurt. He sighed and reached for his boxers.

"Look Addison, I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight. I'll wake you in the morning and then take you to the airport."

"No!" Addison cried. "No, please, please don't leave me."

"Then tell me what the fuck you want me to do?! You say you don't want to be left alone, but then you cower away from me when I'm around?! Tell me Addison, tell me what the hell you want, because I can't keep playing your stupid mind games!!" Mark yelled. Addison trembled, still curled up in a ball.

"Whatever, I'll see you tomorrow morning," Mark replied as he left the room and shut the door, leaving Addison alone to cry herself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Very short chapter, Maddison fluff that I needed to post with the last chapter because I can't stand Mark acting like a total fuckwit :-P

Addison woke again around 3 in the morning to find Mark sitting in the chair across from the bed. The early morning hours hadn't allowed her brain to fully process why Mark was in the chair and not in bed with her. It wasn't until she realized she wasn't wearing clothes that the events of the "almost sex" began flooding back to her.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked.

"I came to apologize for being so mean to you. I actually came to apologize a few hours ago, but you were already asleep. You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you…" he trailed off. Addison shook her head.

"It's not your fault. I wasn't ready and I told you I was. I didn't mean-" she was stopped suddenly when Mark put his hand up.

"You don't have to apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I saw the fear in your eyes and I went ahead anyway. And then I yelled at you for no reason on top of that. I'm really sorry Addie, I never meant to hurt you," Mark said. Addison smiled weakly in the dark.

"Have you seriously been sitting in that chair watching me sleep for a few hours now?" she asked. Mark blushed again.

"Maybe," he admitted.

"Was I snoring and flailing all over the place?" Addison asked. Mark laughed and shook his head.

"No, you're a perfect sleeper Addie."

"I'm freezing," Addison stated.

"Well, you're not wearing any P.J.'s babe," Mark teased. Addison rolled her eyes and got up to get some. Mark quickly turned and averted his eyes.

"Oh please Mark, how many times have you seen me naked now?" Addison asked. Mark shrugged but still continued looking the other way.

"Ok, the coast is clear," Addison said monotonously.

"Please don't go to Seattle," Mark blurted out.

"What?" Addison asked, clearly shocked.

"Stay here, with me. Derek doesn't deserve you. Hell, I probably don't deserve someone as wonderful as you, buy let me try to prove myself. If you stay here, I promise to show you just how much you mean to me. Please don't leave." Addison had never heard Mark Sloan beg before.

"I need to go to Seattle."

"No you don't. Forget about Derek. Wait for him to call you."

"He's seeing another woman Mark. He's not going to call me," Addison explained bitterly.

"What?" Mark asked softly.

"I just need some closure with this whole nightmare. I need to tell Derek what really happened."

"Then…"

"Then…I don't know," Addison answered honestly. Mark nodded.

"You should probably get some sleep. Tomorrow's going to be one hell of a day," Mark stated. Addison nodded and lay down on the bed again.

"You can sleep in your bed too if you want…I promise I won't make you play anymore of my 'stupid mind games'," Addison teased.

"Why, you little…" Mark began before pouncing on Addison and tickling her. Addison shrieked with laughter while reaching for the pillow underneath her head. When she finally got a firm grasp on it, she began smacking Mark. He threw his arms out blindly trying to find something, anything, to defend himself with. He finally found the other pillow and attempted to hit her back. However, Addison skillfully dodged all his feeble attempts and stood up to get out of his line of fire.

"Since when are you a master at pillow fights?" Mark asked, now out of breath. Addison looked at him like he was a moron.

"I am a girl you know. It's what we do," she answered. Mark smiled mischievously.

"Did you use to have pillow fights in your underwear?" Addison rolled her eyes and chucked her pillow at Mark from where she was standing. Mark ran over to her and threw her over his shoulder, earning more shrieks of laughter from Addison. He turned around and dropped her on the bed before lying down next to her.

"All the time," she replied sarcastically. Mark's smile got even wider, not hinting the sarcasm in her voice.

"Cool!"

"You're hopeless Mark Sloan," Addison chuckled. She then quieted down and looked at him seriously.

"Mark, we can't ever be anything unless I go to Seattle and tell Derek the truth." Mark nodded. Addison moved closer to Mark and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I can't respond to that yet," Addison answered truthfully.

"I don't expect you to. I'm just telling you how I feel. So maybe you won't stay out in Seattle for too long?" Mark asked hopefully.

"Good night Mark."

A/N: Addison goes to Seattle to confront Derek in next chapter (which is already written so should be up soon as long as you guys review :-D)! And I haven't forgotten about Jake and Mike so look out for them in future chapters


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This is for all you Addek fans out there!

Addison stepped off the plane and into the airport at Seattle. She collected her bags at baggage claim and made her way to the rental car. She'd meant to drive straight to her hotel, but instead drove straight to Seattle Grace Hospital. She parked in the parking lot and made her way inside. What she saw made her stomach drop. Her husband was flirting with an attractive young woman. Addison's eyes began to fill with tears. She wanted nothing more than to run from the hospital, run from Seattle, and run right back into Mark's arms. However, Addison picked up her head and marched over to the "happy couple".

"Hi, I'm Addison Shepherd." The young blonde's eyes grew wide.

"Shepherd?"

"And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband." Addison smirked. It felt good to be in control for once. Derek looked pissed. He quickly said good night to the woman, whose name Addison found out was Meredith, and grabbed Addison's arm and pulled her into the corner of the room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he muttered. It hurt Addison to hear her husband talk to her like that.

"Look Derek, I came here because I need to talk to you about something…something important." Addison finished.

"Well, I'm all ears, let's hurry up and get this over with." Addison shook her head no.

"I can't tell you right now…"

"Why not?!"

"Because…because…"

"Because, because," Derek mocked. "Spit it out already!"

Addison's eyes quickly brimmed with tears. Derek's tone softened when he saw her face. He sighed.

"Look, Addison, I can't do this right now, so whatever you have to say, say it now, because I'm walking away."

"Is there somewhere else we could go? Somewhere, anywhere where we could be alone for a few minutes?" Addison begged. Derek was tired and just wanted to go home with Meredith. However, upon looking into his wife's eyes, he noticed something was different. Her beautiful cerulean eyes had lost the sparkle they used to have. They were now dull, lifeless, and tired. Derek sighed and gently took her hand, leading her to an empty on-call room. Addison walked in and sat down on the bed, she could already feel the familiar lump rising in her throat.

"What I'm about to tell you…it's hard for me…just, let me take my time…and don't interrupt me…please," Addison begged. Derek's scowl was immediately replaced with a look of concern. He sat down next to her on the bed and held her hand. Addison tensed at the touch but let Derek continue holding her hand.

"Ok, I promise," Derek answered urging her on.

"The night you found Mark and I together, I swear Derek, we weren't doing anything."

"But-"

"No Derek, you promised you wouldn't interrupt." Derek quickly shut his mouth and looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"You had just called and told me that you were coming home late. I got upset, so I called Mark to come over and keep me company. But before he got there…" Addison trailed off, unable to continue. She turned away from her husband, suddenly ashamed. They sat in silence for a few moments before Addison stood up in front of Derek. She took off her coat and began unbuttoning her blouse.

"Um, what are you doing?" Derek asked, clearly confused. Addison finished unbuttoning her blouse and took it off. She then unzipped her skirt and slipped it off her body. She now stood before her husband in nothing but a bra and panties. Normally, this would drive Derek crazy with desire, but not now. He stared at his wife's body and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Bruises lined the inside of her thighs and around her chest. There were even a few bite marks on her shoulder. Derek stood up so he was standing in front of Addison. She looked down at her feet, unable to make eye contact with him. Derek gently put his thumb under Addison's chin and lifted her head to meet his eyes. She had tears streaming down her face.

"Mark was the one who found me right after…it happened. Nothing happened between the two of us, I swear, he was just trying to comfort me."

"Oh Addison," Derek gently whispered. He wrapped his arms around his wife's delicate frame as she began to sob hysterically into his shirt. He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head, trying to think of anything to calm her down.

"Have you seen a doctor yet Addie?" Derek asked. Addison nodded her head.

"Yeah, Mark took me to the hospital," Addison answered. Derek felt guilt wash over him.

"_That should've been me, I should've been there to take care of her,"_ Derek thought."_No, I should've been there to prevent it from happening in the first place." _

He held his wife close, not knowing what else to do. Finally, Addison broke away, reaching for the clothes that were now lying on the floor. She quickly got dressed, then looked at Derek, not really sure what to do next. Derek finally broke the silence.

"Where are you staying?" he asked.

"In a hotel a few miles from here," she answered. Derek shook his head.

"No, that's not right. A husband should not be separated from his wife. Come on Addie," he said as he wrapped a protective arm around her and led her out into the hallway. Addison frantically wiped her eyes.

"I bet I'm a sight for sore eyes," she mumbled. Derek stopped and turned to face her, looking straight into her eyes.

"Babe, you're beautiful," he whispered. Addison blushed and could tell that he really meant it. They continued walking out to Derek's car. Derek opened the door for her and helped her inside. They pulled up to Derek's home and Addison's face dropped.

"A trailer? Seriously?" Addison asked disappointed. Derek gave her a soft smile.

"Just give it a chance, come on," he said getting out of the car. He opened her door for her and held her hand as they walked into the house. Addison stood in the middle of it and looked around.

"Wow…cozy?" Hey, at least she was trying to make an effort. Derek led her to the bedroom in the back and sat her down on the bed. He knelt in front of her.

"Addison, I owe you an apology," Derek began but Addison held up her hand.

"Can we please just move on-"

"No!" Derek stated firmly. Addison flinched at his raised voice and he immediately softened it.

"No, I was rude before and it wasn't fair of me to just leave you without giving you a chance to explain." Addison looked down at her hands.

"What are you thinking about hun?" Derek asked.

"Why does it take an act of violence to get your attention? Let's face it Derek, our marriage was on a downward spiral. Why the sudden change of heart?" she asked. Derek looked thoughtful for a moment before answering.

"Because it hurts to see you like this. It hurts to see the woman I love in so much pain. I missed you Addison. Seeing you here made me realize how much I really did miss you and how much I love you. Give me another chance, let me show you how much I love you," he pleaded.

"What about your slutty intern?" Addison asked bitterly. Derek ran a hand through his hair.

"Richard told you about her?"

"Yeah." Derek sighed.

"Addison, I was hurting. I thought you had slept with my best friend. I thought you were over me so I was trying to get over you. What hurt even more was the thought of you not loving me anymore. I thought we were finished; you wanted to be with Mark, not with me anymore. I was trying to move on…I was trying to get you out of my head. But then you waltz back into my life tonight, looking more beautiful than I've ever seen you look before. And while I pretend to be pissed, my heart leaps for joy, because maybe, just maybe, the love of my life still loves me." Derek answered. Both of their eyes were filled with tears.

"Derek, don't you know me any better? It's always been you, I love you," Addison responded. Derek held her close.

"And it's always been you too babe. I promise to never leave you again, I promise to help you get through this, and I promise to help find the bastard that did this to you and make sure he never sees the light of day again," Derek vowed. Addison nodded, accepting his apology and promises for the future.

"So, nothing happened between you and Mark? Everything was completely platonic?" Derek asked hopefully. Addison hesitated before answering.

"Yeah, completely harmless," Addison lied. She'd deal with telling Derek about the "almost sex" she'd had with Mark another time…

A/N: Please review!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: ok, ok, I have no excuse for not updating in…forever and a half. My life just decided to get very busy and then I forgot about this story…cowers in corner yeah, anyway, I hope you guys are still interested in this story. I really will try to update new chapters faster. This chapter is hopefully a little more light-hearted than the others. Also, I'm not a doctor, I'm just a college student who's writing this at 2 in the morning (so the grammar/spelling probably isn't the best), so please be nice. Now on to chapter 8!

Disclaimer: not mine…surprise surprise

Addison woke up in a place she didn't recognize. She sat up quickly and took in her surroundings. The events of the previous night came back to her. She was in Seattle. She found Derek (and Meredith) and told him what had really happened the night he had seen her and Mark together. Derek had taken her home. She was in Derek's trailer…sans Derek. Her husband was nowhere in sight. Addison sighed as her cell phone rang. She reached for her purse and dug around for a while before finding it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Addie."

Addison smiled as she recognized Mark's caring voice.

"I didn't wake you did I?" he added quickly. She shook her head.

"No, I was already up."

"Good, good…that's good." Mark answered. They fell into an awkward silence.

"Listen, I'm just calling to make sure you made it ok and to see if you needed anything," Mark said. Addison smiled at his warm gesture.

"I'm fine, everything's great," she answered. And everything was fine. Everything was great. Wasn't it? She found Derek and told him the truth about "the night". Derek vowed his undying love for her, and she for him. Everything should be peachy keen…yet Addison couldn't help but feel like she was lying when she told him everything was fine.

"Oh…that's great," Mark replied. Addison could've sworn she detected disappointment in his voice.

"Listen Addie, about what I said right before you left-"

"I don't remember what you said right before I left." Lie number two. She did in fact remember all the sweet promises Mark made her right before heading off to Seattle. That had been the only thing she could think about since the words left his mouth.

"Oh, well maybe it's for the best. Since you're back with Derek and all…are you back with Derek?"

Addison was taken aback by the question. Sure, she had gone willingly with Derek back to his trailer last night, sure she had loved hearing him say all those nice things to her, but at the same time, she was furious with him. It had taken an act of violence to get her husband to notice her. That just wasn't right.

"Addison?"

"Yeah, um, I have to go," she answered quickly. Mark sighed.

"Ok, call if you need anything. I'll talk to you later I guess."

"Yeah," Addison replied as she shut her phone. She pulled her bathrobe out of her suitcase and walked out into the kitchen (if you could call it that, the place was so damn small). She saw Derek sitting at the table reading the newspaper. He looked up at her as he heard her walk in and smiled.

"I made you breakfast," he smiled as he pointed his head in the direction of the stove. A steaming stack of blueberry pancakes awaited her. Addison picked up the plate and sat down next to her husband. She wasn't really all that hungry so she just picked at her food with her fork. Derek looked at her with concern in his eyes.

"What's wrong? I thought blueberry pancakes were your favorite."

"They are. I'm just not hungry." Addison answered.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," Addison assured him. "Just not hungry."

"Look, Addison, about the other night when you were…attacked-"

Addison cringed. "Can we please not discuss this now?"

"Why not? You are my wife and I love you and I'm very worried about you. I just want to know the details of what happened; I want to know how I can help."

"Well, right now you can help me by not pressing the issue," Addison snapped. She was getting frustrated. How dare he demand to know the details of that horrible night. Just thinking about it made her nauseous. He certainly wasn't interested in listening to her that night when she was trying to explain to him that she wasn't cheating on him, but was a rape victim. Derek held up his hands in defense.

"Ok, sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. But you should really eat something. When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm not hungry," she stated firmly.

"Addison, you really need to take care of yourself. That's the first step to recovering," Derek tried again. Addison narrowed her eyes. Why all of a sudden was he acting like a psychiatrist? She glared at him, picked up her fork and took one bite of the pancakes before setting the fork back down.

"There," she snapped with food still in her mouth. "Happy?" Addison stood up, turned on her heel, and stormed into the bathroom. She was furious. '_Where does he get off treating me like a child? I'm an adult, damn it, and I will be treated like one!'_ Addison thought to herself. She turned on the shower and took her pajamas off. The bruises on her body were slowly changing to an ugly yellow color. _'At least the physical wounds are healing.' _Addison thought to herself before stepping into the shower and losing herself in the steamy haven.

Addison emerged from the shower dressed and ready for the day an hour later to find the trailer empty. A note on the table scribbled by Derek told her that he was at the hospital if she needed anything. Addison walked back into the bedroom, grabbed her briefcase, and walked out into the cool Seattle morning ready to start her day.

"He's married," Meredith stated. "And she's perfect. She looks like she stepped right off the runway at fashion week in New York and straight into Seattle Grace." The interns were all sitting around listening to Meredith vent about "McDouche Bag", "McBastard", "McDick Head"…which ever name she chose to use at that point in time.

"I mean seriously, Derek said she cheated on him! Why the hell is McHoe Bag here?! What the hell does she want with him?!" Within seconds of her most recent declaration, who else should walk around the corner, but "McHoe Bag" herself, clad head to toe in designer clothing, her red hair looking perfect. She stopped right in front of the group of interns. All five of them looked around, trying to avoid her eyes.

"I need an intern for the day." Five pairs of eyes grew wide.

"You work here?!" Meredith couldn't stop herself form blurting out.

"For the time being, yes," Addison answered, trying to be cool, calm, and collected. However it was rather hard to do with her stomach doing flip-flops. This group of interns shouldn't make her nervous. She was the foremost neo-natal surgeon in the country; five thumb sucking interns shouldn't intimidate her.

"Anyway, like I said before, I need an intern. Any volunteers? Or am I going to have to choose someone?" Addison asked curtly. All five interns looked down. Addison sighed, this was the last thing she needed right now.

"Grey, congratulations, you've just won yourself a day with "McHoe Bag", follow me," Addison stated bluntly. If it was possible, Meredith's eyes grew wider as she proceeded to follow Addison down the hall. They walked in an awkward silence, neither wanting to say anything to the other. Meredith too stunned to believe the guts this woman had to choose her as her intern, and Addison hurt at hearing Meredith's declaration. They all thought she cheated on her husband. They all thought she was the bad guy, when in fact, she had been the victim. _'No, not__ a__ victim.__ I am a survivor.' _Addison vowed to herself. All of a sudden, the hall started spinning. She quickly brought a hand to her forehead and reached out to grab the wall for support. She tried to think of what could possibly be causing her dizziness when she remembered she hadn't had anything to eat since dinner last night. It was nearly lunch time now, and she was starving.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked uneasily. Addison shook her head.

"I'm fine," Addison replied as she continued to lead the way. Meredith shrugged and continued to follow; figuring Satan was just being a melodramatic. Addison managed to check on her patient without another wave of dizziness hitting her. It wasn't until mid-afternoon that he body began to really protest her lack of food.

"I think I can take it from here Grey, thank you for your help today," Addison attempted at being friendly. Meredith didn't respond; she just turned on her heel and walked towards the nurse's station. Addison made a beeline for the cafeteria and began loading anything and everything onto her tray. She found an empty table and sat down, immediately biting into her sandwich. She opened a chart and had no sooner begun to go over it when her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and her heart skipped a beat: Mark.

"Hey Mark," Addison answered.

"Addison, do you know what you've done to me?" Mark asked exasperated. Addison frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"Some nurses at the nurse's station were talking about shoes. Shoes Addison! One of them is going to a wedding and she just _can't_ find the perfect shoes to match her dress. So, trying to be all cool and helpful, I told her Manolo Blahniks go with most any dress…they all looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted wings...shoes Addison! I'm giving women advice on shoes!" Mark cried. Addison couldn't help but laugh.

"Aw, poor baby," Addison joked.

"Yeah, not exactly the most manly thing I've done today…I need to go watch a football game…or drink some beer…or hammer up some dry wall…anything that will restore the Mark Sloan manliness," Mark declared. Addison rolled her eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with being informed about fashion," Addison tried.

Slight pause.

"Shoes Addison!" Mark tried again. Addison giggled.

"I don't know what to tell ya babe. My good fashion sense must have rubbed off on you," Addison chuckled.

"I really do miss you though," Mark stated in all seriousness. Addison smiled sadly.

"I miss you too Mark," Addison finally admitted. And that was the first honest thing she had said all day.

"Look, I have to go, emergency burn victim coming in, but please call me if you need anything. And I mean ANYTHING. Even if you're like 'Mark, help me, I can't find the closest Tiffany's around here and I need to spend money.' I may reply with a 'You lunatic! How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm in New York!' but at least I would have tried to help you out." Addison rolled her eyes at the other end of the phone.

"Ok, I will. I'll talk to you later," Addison said.

"See ya Addie." and the phone disconnected. Addison sighed as she put her phone back in her pocket. She really did miss him. Maybe a little more than she should, but she did. All of a sudden, her pager went off. 911 on her critical patient. She jumped up and rushed into the patient's room.

"What happened?" Addison asked Meredith, who had also gotten the page.

"She's going into premature labor," Meredith stated as calmly as she could, trying to keep the nervous mother as relaxed as she could.

"But the baby's not due for another two months!" the patient exclaimed.

"Mrs. O'Brian," Addison started, "this baby needs to come out today. I assure you I will do everything I can to ensure that this baby will be just fine. Now, we need to get you into the OR to perform an emergency C-section. I'll have Dr. Grey call your husband and he can meet you in there. How does that sound?" Addison asked while simultaneously checking the patient's vitals. Mrs. O'Brian nodded her head as she was being wheeled out by a couple of nurses.

"Dr. Grey, call Mrs. O'Brian's husband and inform him of the current situation, then scrub in," Addison said as she was making her way toward OR. However, the hospital food she'd had only five minutes before had obviously not agreed with her, as a wave of nausea hit her. Instead of going straight to the scrub room, Addison made a pit stop to the bathroom where she emptied the contents of her stomach. _'Note to self: don't eat__ the__ hospital food'_ Addison thought to herself as she quickly cleaned herself up and jogged up to the scrub room. Ten minutes later she was in the OR performing an emergency C-section. Both mother and child made it through surgery and were going to be just fine. Addison sighed as she walked over to the nurse's station to deliver the chart. She was exhausted and was still feeling a little under the weather. She presumed she must look like a mess as well. Addison looked at her watch. It was now 8:00. She hadn't seen Derek once today. He hadn't even texted her to make sure she was feeling alright. Addison left the hospital feeling dejected and hurt: it was like New York all over again. She pulled up to the trailer to find Derek's car already there. She smiled slightly and walked inside and the sight made her want to laugh out loud, but she bit her lip. There was food splattered everywhere. Pans filled with god knows what were boiling over onto the stove, as black smoke started to emit from the oven. And in the midst of all that chaos was Chef Derek covered from head to foot in food and swearing loudly as he burned his finger trying to turn off the stove. Addison quickly grabbed pot holders and took out what looked like could've been a cake, but was now a black mass, and set it in the sink. Derek turned to Addison.

"So I tried to cook you dinner…" he started lamely.

"You tried to cook me dinner," Addison repeated clearly amused.

"But then I remembered I can't cook…" Derek continued. "And then I remembered that you like to spend my money so I did this on purpose so that I would be able to take you out to a nice restaurant," Derek finished, clearly grasping at straws. Addison laughed and wiped what looked like flour from her husband's cheek.

"How very thoughtful of you," she giggled.

"Yeah, so get dressed, I'll clean up in here, and get ready for a night out on the town," Derek stated while reaching for the garbage bin. Addison smiled, rolled her eyes, but walked back into the bedroom to get changed.

An hour later, Addison and Derek sat in one of Seattle's finest restaurants and continued to laugh at Derek's failed attempt to make dinner. Derek was glad he could make her laugh, even if it was at his expense. They went home where they both promptly fell asleep, both of them tired from the day's events.

Addison was the first to awake early the next morning. Something had woken her up, but the early morning hours made it difficult for her to remember what. Then she remembered; she felt like she was going to vomit at any second. She quickly jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, barely making it in time before she threw up. _'Most __be__ some sort of bug'_ she thought to herself. She peered around the door, hoping she hadn't woken up her husband. But Derek was still sound asleep. Earlier in their marriage, they used to joke about how Derek was such a heavy sleeper that the Boston Pops would be able to perform in their bedroom and he could still be off in dream land. Addison smiled slightly to herself, before feeling extremely nauseous again. _'Must be some bug'_ she thought to herself. Then it hit her. She looked at the (now ruined from cake mix) calendar hanging next to the fridge from where she sat on the bathroom floor. It couldn't be. She hurriedly threw on a pair of sweats and quickly drove to the 24-hour drug store that was near the hospital. She purchased the item she needed and got back into the car. She couldn't go back to the trailer. So instead, she ran inside the doors of Seattle Grace and into the attending locker room. She walked to the back where the bathrooms were and closed and locked the door. She couldn't believe this was happening. Two minutes later, Addison's suspicions were confirmed as the line on the little stick turned blue. Tears began forming in her eyes immediately. She hurled the stick as far away from her as she could throw it. She screamed, she cried, she yelled every single obscenity she could think of at the top of her lungs. She felt disgusted with herself. She was carrying the monster's baby. That thought made her want to vomit. And she did as another wave of morning sickness hit her. She continued to sob as she hung her head in the toilet, willing herself to just die right then and there. Addison didn't know what to do. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, continuing to sob. With a shaky hand, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone and dialed the familiar number. He answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

Silence

"Addison?"

Addison let out a choked sob. Panic ran through his body.

"Addison, what's wrong? What happened? Please tell me," he pleaded. Addison continued to sob uncontrollably on the other end. The only thing he could do was wait patiently for her to calm down enough for her to tell him what was wrong. After five minutes, she began to speak in a raspy, shaky voice; four simple yet powerful words.

"Mark, I need you…"

A/N: there you go, a nice long chapter 8 for you guys. (if you're still reading it…I hope you are) please review and tell me what you think! I'm off to college in a week so I'll try to update before then, but if not, it will be shortly thereafter. And remember, the more reviews I get, the more motivation I get to write the next chapter, which is partially finished!


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